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Ball Four Quotes (4)

Damn, these wasabi peas are addictive.... where were we? Oh, baseball. The last of the Jim Bouton quotes.

“In baseball the only thing that’s really changed in a hundred years is the attitude toward beards.”

“John Gelnar brought a pair of binoculars to the bullpen and we took turns looking into the stands. Then somebody said that we better not let the umpires catch us with binoculars in the bullpen – they’re liable to think we’re stealing signs. And I said, ‘No. If we explain we’re shooting beaver, they’ll understand.’ And they would. If there’s a baseball universal, that’s it.”

“’You know something?’ Goossen said. ‘I found that I can’t play if I feel good. I’ve got to have a little bit of a hangover to get the best out of me.’”

“That’s the great thing about our ballpark. When a homerun disappears off you over the fence your eye catches a glimpse of the majesty of Mt. Rainier and some of that bad feeling goes away.”

“Police arrested a twenty-two year-old blonde who had climbed a tree outside our clubhouse and was peeping at us in the shower. A female beaver shooter.”

“I need a new image. What I ought to do is take up chewing tobacco and let the dark brown run down the front of my uniform and walk up and down the dugout with a slight, brave limp and tape on my wrist and say things like, ‘goddamit’ and ‘shit’ and ‘let’s get these guys.’ Then, instead of being weird, I’d be rough and tough.”

“I guess to really like baseball as a fan you’ve got to have some Richard Nixon in you.”

“Baseball player description of Cincinnati: ‘Horseshit park, horseshit clubhouse, horseshit hotel, lots of movies, nice place to eat after the game, tough town to get laid in.’”

“Rader does remember a TV interview where he gave advice to Little Leaguers. ‘They should eat bubble gum cards … When I was a kid I accidentally ate a bubble gum card, but unfortunately, it wasn’t a very good player. Kids should make sure they eat the bubble gum card of a good player, like Willie Mays.’”

“Think of a ballplayer as a fifteen-year old in a twenty-four year old body.”




April 2019



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