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sledding

Baseball Nonsense

Probably neither of my readers is a baseball fan, but since spring is upon us, the boys of summer will soon be heading to Florida or Arizona (or wherever it is they go) for spring training.

Before long, the crack of the bat and the smack of the ball against the glove will be heard throughout the land. Unless they are using aluminum bats, in which case you'll hear a metallic sound, hardly as charming as the crack that the wooden bat makes.

During the whole season, I probably won't watch a single baseball game on TV, though it is possible that I go to a minor league or college game.

"Chin music" is when the pitcher throws high and inside to keep the batter from crowding the plate. It's legal. But sometimes pitchers hit batters on purpose, just to send a message. Dock Ellis once tried to hit every batter on the Cincinnati Reds, Tony Perez was able to avoid all the throws and drew a walk.

Switch hitters are allowed to change sides during an at bat. Let's say a pitcher intentionally throws at a batter, but the batter darts out of the way. The batter, being mild-mannered, doesn't charge the mound. He may be mild-mannered, but he has a sense of humor. He switches to the other side of the plate. Again the pitcher throws at him ...and misses. The batter goes back to the side he started on. Again the pitcher throws at him, and again the batter evades the pitch. The count is 3-0. He switches again. The pitcher throws at him and misses. Ball four. On his way to first base, the batter sticks his tongue out at the pitcher.

The batter is Jimi Hendrix, who is swinging an electric guitar instead of a bat. The home-plate umpire is Richard Nixon, and the pitcher is high on LSD.

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sledding

November 2017

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